heres one to get the ball rolling....

Shane Warne's team mates were perplexed one morning to see Shane walk into the change rooms with a pair of women's panties on his arm.

Somewhat used to Shane's tendencies, they let it go and went about getting ready.

The day wore on; Shane bowled a few overs and the
batsman came and went with a puzzled expression on their faces but no one dared ask about the panties.

Finally, Ricky Ponting walked up to Shane between overs and gently whispered to him.

"Er Shane," he said, "We've come to expect many unusual things from you, but we're a bit worried that you seem to be wearing a pair of women's panties on your arm. Please tell me this doesn't mean more trouble."

"Oh no," Shane grinned. "It's a Patch. I'm trying to quit."

number 2...

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time.
The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the
examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left giggleberry and told the Midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.

"Aha!" mumbled the doc, and as he put his finger under the right
man-meatball, he asked the midget to cough again.

"Aha!" said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical
scissors.

Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with
amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"

The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

 That stuff is gold, especially the Warney gag!!    

--Last edited by Fles on 2005-08-05 21:48:55 --

He made it to veteran level,a nd has helped me alot in sorting out my gameplan so I though he deserved something special, unfortunately his wife though he made it as you did too.
go Chiefs! With her at MLB now you know how teams get so few yards!

I used to be worried about the boss catching me wasting valuable company time on a Gameplan forum. Now I'm worried he'll think I'm on a porn site! I think the pros outweigh the cons though! (not suggesting in any way that your cheerleaders are pros, Fles!)



Where's Norm got to by the way? Is he having to lie down in a darkened room after seeing the new banner?

Quote :

I think the pros outweigh the cons though! (not suggesting in any way that your cheerleaders are pros, Fles!)

Classic! Good work Jon! That's funnier than the actual jokes in the forum...

Just recovered from that KC Chiefs banner, Vader please make 100 posts a day for me!


Alex, l have been keeping it clean hunting for cheerleaders on NFL and NBA sites, now if you told me l could check out the other sites...


l love that cheerleader tomahawk defence now that's a full signature panel, Alex that is exactly what l was looking for but maybe BIGGER breasts but l'm not being too picky am l?


lt's signature panels like KC's that keep me coming back for more inspirational talk!
 

--Last edited by stormin on 2005-08-06 11:05:14 --

A wealthy London couple (Mr & Mrs Way-Streete) were desperatley trying to have a baby, after several months of disappointment they finally decided that the only option available to them was to adopt.  They researched carefully and eventually adopted a lovely Spanish boy who they called Juan.

A tip you might find helpful.......borrow money from a pessimist......they won't be expecting it back!

OK, All of you who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

 

.....ARIZONA CARDINALS WIN SUPERBOWL.........

I have a friend who owns his own business and probably has a couple of million in the bank. He has a son who he likes to spoil a little, so on his 8th birthday his son wanted a train set.
'I can do better than that son', and he bought him his own railway station!
A year later, on his 9th birthday his son wanted a fireman outfit, so he bought him his own fire station!
For his 10th birthday, his son wanted a clown outfit, so his dad bought him the Australian Cricket Team!

 

Now the poms are taking pot shots at us. What is the world coming to?

The Aussie team will still be laughing when we retain the Ashes.

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle.

He hated that name and asked everyone to not to call him Onestone! After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone..." He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant serious business.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone..." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he screwed her all day, screwed  her all night, screwed her all the next day, screwed her all the next night...but, Yellow Bird wouldn't die!!!!

What is the moral of this story??? Come on..........take a guess! Think about it.  

You're going to love this!

Here it comes............................

And the moral is........................

You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!    

A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"

The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."

The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked

"OK, so how many sales did you make today?"

The Aussie said "One."

The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.

How much was the sale for?"

"124,237.64. pounds"

The manager choked and exclaimed "124,237.64 POUNDS" What the hell did you sell him?"

"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".

The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?"

"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his
ladyfriend and I said............................


'Well, since your weekend's f**ked, you might as well go fishing."

gbeats,
to both jokes...

Great stuff. keep em coming.

A rather attractive woman goes to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replies.

"Can you get him for me, I need to speak to him," she says, while running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid that I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies' room."

DDr. Phil Was Conducting A Group Therapy Session With Four
Young Mothers And Their Small Children.

"You All Have Obsessions," He Observed.

To The First Mother, He Said, "You Are Obsessed With
Eating You've Even Named Your Daughter Candy."

He Turned To The Second Mom. "Your Obsession Is With
Money.   Again, It Manifests Itself In Your Child's Name, Penny."

He Turns To The Third Mom. "Your Obsession Is Alcohol.
This Too Manifests Itself In Your Child's Name, Brandy."

At This Point, The Fourth Mother Gets Up Takes Her
Little Boy By The Hand And Whispers, "Come On Dick, We're Leaving."